Covid-19 and my time for my kids - now what?

Covid-19, pandemic, quarantine, unexpected changes. The impact on us, being on the peak of alertness and emotional stress. As a mother, friend and coach, I have heard heartbroken messages from parents like these:

1. I am about to give up educating my children

2. I need help

3. My children are not happy

4. My children need friends

5. My children feel lonely

6. I need to give them the best; otherwise, I am not a good father

How do they resonate with you?

I have four children, and sometimes I wish they had the same schedule and routine. But life doesn't work like that. I am offering here my pain and my learnings. Not that I have the answers, but perhaps by sharing my story, I can provide some comfort or other ways of thinking and acting. Today, I understand that to know my children and grow with them, I must be intentionally present (not necessarily physically). I recognize the fact that children do not stop growing, even with the pandemic. They will continue to develop and learn with or without my support and guidance. Likewise, as a mother, I will also continue to learn and grow.

With the quarantine, the isolated life, and the changes to adapt the studies, parents recognize how critical is their presence in their children's lives, regardless of educational choices, country, culture, and beliefs.

While participating in education and discoveries, enjoying simple moments or resolving complex dramas, the pandemic revealed what had been happening for a long time, but somehow disguised in the rush of our daily lives and the pressure of work: the outsourcing of parental presence, where we, conscientiously or not, replaced opportunities of family learnings moments (teachable moments) by activities that do not require our effective company. The pandemic also allowed the rescue of precious moments, revealing the dilemma of time with work and children. And now?

What's unique about my story? In 2017, a deliberate, intentional move. We dove into unknown waters a couple of years before Covid-19. I left a great job to change careers trusting faithfully that my gifts would be developed and used differently for the common good. We decided to deliberately live an integrated family life while learning to surrender many things (lifestyle, material goods, financial comfort, relationships) and to discern what is worthwhile or not to pursue in life. We were experiencing the discovery and the difficulties of starting a new cycle. Then Covid-19 arrived. Perhaps our previous experience with a significant change in thinking and living has led us to face reality and the unknown in a different way than most people. 

I do not intend to be naïve about Covid-19's devastating impact and its consequences as I lament and deeply feel the losses and pain of many. There seems to be a light in the little each one of us can do. I am aware that this moment requires action, cycles of internal and external reflection, and constant change of perception. By identifying the beauty of the simple things in life, I hope that we will find the strength to continue to grow for the very purpose of life that still exists. 

““Growing together as family, with our children, learning together, rescuing precious moments, making it worth the little time we have together.” ”

— Cintia H. Orsi

In moments of frustration, I thought how it would be if my children were similar in such a way that the lessons learned from the first experience could perfectly be applied to the next child. Imagine... not having to decipher and understand how your children function or respond, what motivates them, what their talents and gifts are. None of this would be necessary because you would already have the formula for success. What? What success? Who defines success? It would be like canceling out each of my kids' rich and intense personalities. It doesn't make any sense! I don't have that right. 

I am constantly reminded of the amazing gift and blessing of living with many different people, different personalities, energy, skills, talents to learn and grow with them. A whole world to see and participate in! I wish we could all see and participate in it!  

How about my frustration and waves of emotions? Well, I choose to explore and embrace this whirlwind of emotions that we, as a family and individuals, are going through daily and focus on something bigger than ourselves.

"I wish for parents to know their strengths and ability to raise great children - and for them to see the strengths, uniqueness, and beauty in their children!"  

- Nermine Zakhary, Strengths-Edge Founder & Chief Empowerment Officer

I see you, mother, father, and caregiver who feel the pressure of the beautiful parenting call. I hear you. I wish I could eliminate all that pain you feel, but I am not sure I can help. But perhaps you are the one who can do something about it, and this is your time. This is your time to make a difference!

I will share here some steps that work for me. Maybe they can help you in some way or perhaps they can serve as a basis for something much better suited for you:

1. Recognizing my emotions and limitations (I stop)

2. Based on my purpose, my values, what does matter? (I pray and listen)

3. Using emotions in favor of my actions (I reflect and choose)

4. "I choose to be well first, so I can help my children."

5. Taking ONE action (to begin with) that I can and am willing to take! (I do)

   1. Perhaps finding professional help

   2. Perhaps joining an online parenting group

   3. Perhaps identifying your own and your children’s strengths and talents

   4. Perhaps just choosing to enjoy the moment

My goal is to be joyfully present in integrating motherhood with helping others with my gifts by focusing on mutual growth and learning.

What is your goal?

With gratitude,